To My Little Bodyguard

Where do I even begin?

I begged God to give me a little sibling 18 years ago and I don't think I'll ever know what I signed up for. You have truly been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn't ask for a better little sister.

I'm so proud of you and how you've grown up. How unequivocally yourself you are. How sweet and kind and selfless you've become. How unstoppable and legendary you are to this world. You are the sunshine and light to so many peoples lives and we all wonder if you know that sometimes. Truly you are just this amazing person and I'm not only so glad I get to have you in my life but so grateful that you are the one I was blessed with as a sister.

I hope you know how much I love you. And how much I wanted to learn the mistakes of the world for you. I hope you never make the same mistakes I did, and I hope you know that even though I haven't always been the best role model for you, I have tried so hard to be someone you are proud of. I hope you know your dreams and hopes and goals are within reach and you have the brain and determination to do anything you put your mind to. I hope you know that I will always support you in any and every thing you do, except one thing, do not die, it's unforgivable.

Thank you for being everything I wish I was. Even though you're younger I have always looked up (down?) on you as a role model, you've made me become a better person. You've made me strive for bigger and better things. You make me want to leave this world better off than when I came into it. You've saved my life countless times without knowing it, you're the reason I got out of bed a lot, you're the reason I didn't kill myself so many times in high school, you're the reason I studied so hard, you're the reason I'm here. So thank you, for simply just being you. For loving life, even when it got hard. For dong stupid Snapchat filters with me at ungodly hours of the early mornings. For laughing at silly things and for smiling even when you weren't happy. Thank you for being brave and kicking ass in everything you do. Thank you for everything you do, especially the things you don't realize you're doing.

I cannot wait to see what is in store for you in the future. I can't wait to hear about the college adventures and the boys and the craziness of life. I can't wait to see you thrive and grow into the wonderful woman you already are. I can't wait to see you wake up and realize what we all see in you. I can't wait to see that camera in your hand, because it really does belong there.

Don't let anything stop you. Don't let words hurt you (and they will sometimes). Don't let fear scare you. And when it does, I'm a phone call away, day and night I don't care you call because I'll always be here. The good and the bad, I'll always protect in the best way I know how, by being your older sister. I know I can't protect you from everything but I will hurt anyone and anything that hurts you.

I'm so sorry for anything I have done that has hurt you in the past. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye and we won't because we're our own people. I'm sorry if my words and actions have unintentionally hurt you in someway, I know I'm not wonderful with communicating feelings, especially to you, I think it may be a big sister thing tbh. Regardless, the world is your ouster and it's time for you to crack it open.

I will always be your loudest cheerleader, the first one to watch your films, the fastest at hopping on a plane to come see you, the shoulder to cry on when you need, the only one who will stay up all night watching Stranger Things, the one who will always buy you things you don't need (even when I'm broke) and the proudest one watching you reach for the stars.

And you my little butterfly bodyguard will be on the top of the world when you're ready.

I love you Fizzy.