The Choas That Has Been My Life

I simply have seemed to pass the time with the wrong things lately. I can realize that while simultaneously continuing passing the time in the same way.

What I'm really trying to say is in these last few months I have pick up over a hundred books but never put my thoughts about them on paper. I've gained knowledge through work but never thought to talk about it. I've met the most brilliant people but never realized it.

I've been living in this revolving door of getting up and doing the same thing every day: work, eat, sleep. It's a timeless cycle that ultimately will never change unless I do. The problem with this cycle, it bears down on you making you too tired to want to do anything else and so it continues.

I woke up yesterday morning and decided I don't want this cycle. I want to go to work, I want to eat some food and I definitely want to sleep, but I want so much more to life, and standing by waiting for it to come to me will never work.

A big part of my life has been proving myself to others, proving I'm as good as someone else because I have a disability that does hold a lot of people back. I've had to work harder to compensate for other people's actions, but that is no longer my problem, because I work my ass off and the value I produce should be shown through that, not through others.

I've stopped writing because I thought people didn't want to read my words, and if they don't that's okay too. But I want to express my words and share them with the world, because it's always something I've done. I've never written online about most of my journey to get to this spot and I would like to.

I used to love the gym, most people who know me could tell you that. But the grind cycle took that out of me, and all I've given is excuses. That's done, it's a step in the right direction.

That's all I really need, what you need, is a step in the right direction. Whether it's work, school, relationship, personal. Just one step, 1% better every day. You don't always have to look at the big picture to focus on the little things. Sometimes moving 1% will do so much more than trying to do everything at once.

So my proposition: I'm going to become 1% better every day, to get out of the godforsaken cycle and take back my life. I'll see you soon!

Love, Tori